Sometimes I wonder whats the beauty of life. I hear people talk about life all the time. Is there such thing as beauty of life? When i drive or when I am in the train or at a restaurant, i see some people - struggling thru life. I think about the taxi drivers, who has to be in the car the whole day; driving up and down. What more when traffic is at its most horrendous pace.
At times like this, I am thankful that I have a job. But when i think about it further, its not that I am not thankful I have a job, its just that I want life to be more than just a job. Its like I want to live life to the fullest - like when I wake up I have the time to go smell the rose, admire the break of dawn, take naps when I want. That's not idealistic you say?
That is why I do wonder people who has to work so hard, and like the labourer - does any of them actually see the beauty of life? If they do, then its so amazing. Either they are just too naive of they have certain believe that its not happiness doesn't lie in this material world. But I don't think I am a materialistic person. I mean i buy stuff but doesn't matter to me whether its guess or topshop or mng or some pasar malam crap. I will buy and wear them. I bought so many type of bajus from thailand and one from indon. When you wear them on, who can tell. But i see alot of people just buy for the sake of the brand. But then again maybe becoz ofmy physic I cant' fit some of the expensive but meant for scrawny people :P What to do, I have big thighs due to my running days in school.
Somtimes when I am asleep, or rather when I am half asleep - can't sleep well. I do get this thoughts running in my head that I wish I am dead. For the past few nites, the anxiety was high, therefore, i start praying the rosary of liberation - but still i dont' find peace. I doze off for a bit but then I wake up again and see that its just 5am. Everday its a routine. Then sometimes, I tell God, I don't want to be alive , Lord. I know thats bad but thats how I feel.
Have you heard of the word Carpe Diem?! I wish i can say that...... about how i live my life.
I haven't yet have the guts to call the counselling center.
I hope EM will call me......
1 comment:
Have you read about this story? Of this Wall Street guy talking business to a fisherman? Asking the fisherman to expand his business.. catch more fish.. do a franchise.. so that he can be as successful as the Wall St guy. Then fisherman ask what do you want to do with all the money. And Wall St guy said so I can retire in an island with wife and kids and enjoy life. So I can rest in the afternoon, play with kids in evening and night.
Then fisherman looked at Wall St guy and said, but I am already doing it now.
Morale.. don't need $ to be happy.
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